


sunshine go away today (I don't feel much like dancing)

by snowglobegays



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Car Wreck, Drabble, Eating Disorders, Happy Ending, Love., M/M, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Self Harm, Suicidal Harry, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, eating disorder Louis, i really love this??, its just mentioned, like i love it, trigger warning, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 07:46:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4011595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowglobegays/pseuds/snowglobegays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>- the one where harry doesn't really know how to live and louis is his sun, moon, and stars. -</p>
            </blockquote>





	sunshine go away today (I don't feel much like dancing)

**Author's Note:**

> oi oi alright it's short and very quickly written and moderately sad and is better in my head

ever since harry was a small, chubby 11 year old, he's been lost. he hasn't known his purpose or his reason or his will. he grew into a tall, lanky 19 year old but he's still not sure what to do. he's not in uni and he works a minimum wage job and lives in a crappy apartment and wears thrift store sweaters to hide the scars.

louis is probably the only reason he's alive. they met when they were 9, short glances and waves during fourth grade recess. when they were 11, almost 12, that was when they really met. that was when harry wanted to hate him for being so confident and friendly and happy and all the things harry wanted to kill himself for not being. he told himself louis was bad and annoying and rude but louis took sunshine into his life.

when they were 14 louis stopped eating. harry was a year and a half off from his great, suicidal peak and didn't notice how louis dropped pounds faster than the rain fell from the cloud into a puddle to be lost forever. harry didn't pay enough attention to his own personal sunshiny day that he let the skies turn grey and the grass die. he only noticed when his louis, his precious louis, started to rain. when raindrops started flying from the silver skies harry once loved into the roaring river his sunshiny field morphed into.he noticed when it was almost too late and he's never forgiven himself.

little 14 year old harry snuck out at night to attend classes for parents of children with eating disorders. he would ditch school the day he didn't have class with louis and spend hours in the library because he didn't know how to fix louis because if he loved louis he was responsible for making him happy.

 

... loved louis? it hadn't been a possibility before but it all of a sudden made perfect sense. harry loved louis. he knew louis would never love him back, he was still digging himself deeper into the pit of depression he was in, but he loved louis.

it was almost magical. he knew exactly how to get louis to eat and laugh and smile and be happy and harry was so proud of louis he forgot to care for himself.

when they were 15 harrys sister almost died. she was driving home and turned too late and was pummeled into a ditch and when harrys mum got the call that there'd been a wreck she didn't even care because gemma had totaled 5 cars but this was closer than she had ever been. harry blamed himself. he begged any god to let them switch places because he wouldn't be afraid to die.

      he wouldn't be afraid to die.

it wasn't the first time he thought of death and it wasn't the last but it was the most serious.

he thought of his life and spent three months putting together the most foolproof plan for killing himself. he wrote note after note for each person in his life. he scribbled down his feelings and sliced himself raw every night.

he didn't draw away from friends, no, he got mean. he made himself the dick nobody wanted to be friends with. he knew when he was gonna die.

louis caught on five minutes too soon. harry claimed they were telepathic and it really must be because he was swallowing the first six pills and dragging the last cut and the world was dark and fuzzy and then oh so bright. he knew he wasn't dead because it was the warm light louis carried with him.

it was louis who sharpened his senses and ripped him back to life with cries of his name and tears and his mum and dad and handicapped sister.

it was louis who held his hand in the ambulance when they were bandaging him and determining whether or not they needed to pump his stomach.

it was louis who joined him in rehab because he told his mum he didn't want to eat when harrys sister begged he was sent.

it was louis who ripped the bed springs out of his hands when harry tried to kill himself again at night.

it was louis who saved his life.

now, a little over three years later, harry still wants to die sometimes and louis still tries to stop eating but they pushed through together and even though they aren't dating harry is fine with how they work.

louis stopped eating again at 22. harry reopened scars. they kissed out the pain on their wedding night when they were 25.

**Author's Note:**

> nice!


End file.
